Dear Tiny,
The past few days have been a blur, so this letter will be longer than normal. We spent much of the weekend preparing the apartment for your arrival. First Dad helped move all the furniture around in the nursery, then we did a ton of your laundry, organized your clothes by size, made your crib up, set up the video monitor, organized your books, hung pictures on the wall, replaced the knobs on our old dresser with knobs shaped like bunnies and squirrels and owls and packed the diaper bag.
We also did a bunch of other home improvement projects. Dad made several trips to the hardware store and I did my share of closet cleaning and craft box organization. Why am I telling you all this? Well Tiny, I was nesting so much that Dad joked that I was about to go into labor! And after the second or third time he joked about this, I started to wonder if that was true...
Would you be 5 weeks early? Was I about to go into labor in the middle of a torn apart closet?
Definitely not. But the power of suggestion is a crazy thing and late last night when I couldn't sleep, I suddenly got so scared. I was afraid of labor, I was afraid of bringing you home and I was afraid of raising a baby. I know, logically, that we're going to have a great time together... but last night I wondered if we had completely screwed up our happy married lives and the freedom that comes with it.
I feel kind of bad admitting this here, but I think it's important to put out there. Your parents, who love you very, very much, are deeply affected by your presence on this planet. And even though we want you to join our family pronto, we are also dealing with how our current lives will change. One day you will come to a crossroads in your life that has pros and cons; the cons will not be deep enough to prevent you from taking action, but nonetheless you will find yourself mourning the loss of something along the way. That's how we feel.
Tonight we went to a breastfeeding class, where we learned all about how to get you the calories you need in your first few months. They handed out dolls for us to practice holding and when I put that doll on my belly, you did NOT like it! You kicked that doll over and over again.
We got the message. We're YOUR parents. And though one day we hope you will have to learn to share us with other siblings, for the moment we are here for you.
Dad is traveling to Portland later this week (I'm so jealous! I can't wait to take you there one day...), so you and I will be hanging around on our own this weekend. Please try not to come out until Dad comes home. We both want to be there to greet you when you enter this world. We're not always 100% confident about it, but that's the pure truth.
Love,
Mama
